open my chest and stare at my organs

because if i just sink down, just sink into these sheets, i'll rise up
and i'll be new.

I just want to bury myself there, and be happy and content, i don't want a care.
i wish i had a vehicle, i want to care about this distance and this time i want to be scared and i want to whine.
but you made me strong and made me hard-hearted and i just walk alone, independent and guarded, i will never blame or point a finger. what i'm trying to say is so much bigger. i'm not cold i learned to keep myself warm, in these sheets where i mourn.

i get up and i get down i react to what you say but i never frown. i want to miss you and come your way but thats not how you taught me and that's not my way.

i don't see you in grey or in black, youre just white and transparent and i guess i'll never get that back.

i'm so afraid of the day, ive chosen this loneliness and ive chosen it to make my heart shrink, and now that i am swelling over with emotion i don't know how to think. but i wont blame or point a finger because i know my heart is bigger. i keep hiding in bed all day chasing fear away, wasting away the day and letting my clouds go grey.

i've got morals, ive got class. i paid for it by myself, i walked down paths that you'd be ashamed to see me in, you'd run scared back to where you've been. i hate to reveal all this today but it weighs on my mind. a heavy metal statue that will rust my heart if i don't wake up and just take part, take part in my life and in my death and realize that i can't stand and watch it all melt away.

it's wrecked and its a disaster, it makes my mind weak and my heart its own master.