have you ever stood outside yourself and looked inside yourself?

I need to get out of here.

I can't breath.

-sigh-

I can't care, never have, never will.
you are starring at me like i'm some sort of animal.
like i've let you down.

well, i wish i could say i've let myself down as well, but my standards arent as high.
i like to sit in my feelings, soak, and bathe like i'm in some sort of mine field.
like i'm going to drown and die and become nothing, and just burst.

to burst into nothing would be an amazing feat. i've got to try it someday. oh someday, if you would only come, the day when i'm so numb that i can't feel a damn thing on my body. i want you to stand on my chest until i can't breath, and watch the life leave me. would you do that for me? would you let the air leave my lungs? would you watch me die? would you? do you have the guts to let it happen?

no, i don't even. i don't i can't and i won't.
I won't fail, because you told me i would,
i won't let you stand over me with your great accomplishments
and show me how to be something i'm not.
i can't i won't
I'm a terrible lie.