I'm being naked for the first time

I've got so much to live for.
I'm sad that i'm not the only apple of your eye,
and that my parents aren't as close to me as i'd like,
I'm mad i never wrote a book about my grandma,
I'm sad that my cousin died before him and i could grow old together and have families together,
I'm sad that i'm usually not strong enough for the people around me,
I'm sad that the people i have always considered close to me only call or talk to me when it's convenient for them, and that i've let those relationships wither.
I'm sad that i still dream of sitting in my grandpa's lap, even though i was only 3, so it's probably a memory i made up in my head.
I'm sad that i can't trust people,
I'm sad that i can't just get over how i look,
I'm sad that i've let boys take advantage of me,
That i never thought i was worth it.
That everytime i look at my photography i get really upset inside that it's not what i wanted.

I get bummed when i feel sad but i can't figure out why.
There are so many reason's for me to be sad, But fuck it, there are so many reason's to be happy. being sad isn't going to be worth it anymore.

I can still fix things with my parents, i can learn to trust them, and talk to them like friends.
I can build new friendships and try to open up and trust again, and if i get hurt, oh well.
There are beautiful people around everywhere, and they are going to always be there, but i have to trust what i have and who i am.
trust my heart and what i have right now is amazing and to feed it with everything i have.
I'm not going to let myself fail again, I want to love myself, i really do, and i am going to try really hard to do that. I want to be my own best friend, because at least i know i'll never let myself down.

I'm standing naked in front of everyone for you to all judge, but that's ok, because no one is perfect.