Night dreamin'

He was sitting across the room, looking haphazardly around, and waving his hand as he talked, "You'll never find someone like me, you know that right?"
I agreed, I knew it.
"You know you'll never find anyone as individual as me, no one who makes you think as much as i do. No one as intelligent."

I agree again, "I get it and I know, but maybe I don't want to think anymore. maybe I'm tired and I feel old and maybe I just want to breath, you've suffocated me."

He looked down into the bottom of the pipe, shifting the cherry around with the butt of his lighter, "You won't like all that air, you have to be challenged and you know it, you change so often, you get bored easily."
I leaned over and grabbed the 40, I threw back the bottle in my mouth, wiped my sleeve across my face.
"You're an asshole."
He laughed, "ho ho, I guess I got you riled up there, didn't I?"

From the window I could see the light getting brighter; he turned toward the window and disappeared in front of my eyes.

...Was i talking to myself again?

Musical Muse of the moment

flat-line breathing, a collapsed lung

an oblivian of existential oblivion
a spokesperson for what matters
an eery infomercial of what to percieve
a trapped box marked 'open'
irrelivant to our minds
an acceptance for only the ignorant
he rivals the rivalry of mind,
of matter, of space, of no space,
yourspace,myspace,theirspace,
the reality we all co-exist in
is fake, not real.
physical matter is for fools?
the pieces of atoms and
air around me is just my illusion
i feel no fear.
i feel no fear.
i feel no fear.

a state of chaos
you've stepped over the chalk outline
into my death.
you've played the superficial
god. you've stepped out of
the mind of the zone
and stepped into uncomfortable
territory. not of your own,
you seek admittance and
acceptance.

denied.

Musical Muse of the moment

It's one of those days...

When I'm in an AMAZING mood.

Yesterday's worries and tears are accepted and i've moved on.
I'm just ready to make some awesome art
and listen to great music...
and maybe...just MAYBE

DANCE???!!!


:)
LOVE.LIFE.LOVE.LIFE.LOVE.LIFE.

Dreaming of light

Maybe dreaming is the only thing that will save me from my own thoughts.

I want to smile like I did in my dream last night.
I want to believe and carry a flag screaming your name,
but I don't believe I could ever stop being so skeptical.
I sing song's about my life, and look into the sun

because in that dream, I've never been so happy,
so content.
My happiest memories have been spent behind the darkness of my own eyelids.

Musical Muse of the moment

Amores Perros

It really bummed me out when I went to get beers with friends from work and they tell me no guy is faithful to their girlfriend. I defended, I argued, I protested, and they told me it's because I'm in a "new relationship."

Fuck that, I'll be damned if that's the excuse that they give me, because I'm 26, and I've had relationships, and I've been cheated on, and I still believe that there's guys out there who are faithful. It's so depressing that women believe that. I still believe in great true love, in marrying your best friend. This isn't the first time that I've been told this in the past few weeks, and its really got me bummed and angry, because it's almost like its an expected act; for a man to cheat on a woman, and that because it's expected it should be forgiven. I seriously don't get it.

I know that I have weak characteristics at times but I hope that if that ever happens to me, I will be strong enough to walk away from it and know that I am worth it.

I guess I'm just old fashioned, but my parents have been together for 30 years and I look up to that, maybe they have had rough patches, but they love each other and they enjoy their time together, now more than ever. That's what i want, and I won't give up on that.

Even if I never get married, I want someone there for me, I guess that's what every human hopes for.

Writing Prompt from my english class

(It's been a LONG time since I've taken an English class, so this is just what came off the top of my head, idk why, but here it is, oh and we had to use the first line "One thing before you go" to start off the exercise)

One thing before you go, I completely agree with you blowing your fiendish brains all over the floor. But, dude, while your wife, children, and grandchildren were in the other room? Not classy at all. Imagine that shit; walking into a room and finding your husband/father/lover/grandpa strewn about the room like discarded trash? I mean I get it, you had to make a statement, even in the end, but I think you might have crossed even your own self pronounced line. Just obscene.



I'm sorry, I guess you wanted to get going, back up to that big wheel in the sky. Go ahead, hit the road. Don't come back. I don't think we need you here anymore Doc, you've done quite enough while you were here, try not to fuck things up there too much, behave yourself like the nice southern gentleman that you are.

Gracias por la paz

I've been asking my mind to hush lately,
and I feel like it's finally taken that big deep breath in.
I realize that there are always going to be things that I see,
hear, even feel, that hurt me; I can't let that get the best of me.

I have to stop looking at life like it's such a task,
because it is in fact here for me to live.

And that intellectual pain, that keeps me pondering,
it's out there; somewhere and I am going to find it.

amor y paz

..."Hush my little time bomb"

I'm being naked for the first time

I've got so much to live for.
I'm sad that i'm not the only apple of your eye,
and that my parents aren't as close to me as i'd like,
I'm mad i never wrote a book about my grandma,
I'm sad that my cousin died before him and i could grow old together and have families together,
I'm sad that i'm usually not strong enough for the people around me,
I'm sad that the people i have always considered close to me only call or talk to me when it's convenient for them, and that i've let those relationships wither.
I'm sad that i still dream of sitting in my grandpa's lap, even though i was only 3, so it's probably a memory i made up in my head.
I'm sad that i can't trust people,
I'm sad that i can't just get over how i look,
I'm sad that i've let boys take advantage of me,
That i never thought i was worth it.
That everytime i look at my photography i get really upset inside that it's not what i wanted.

I get bummed when i feel sad but i can't figure out why.
There are so many reason's for me to be sad, But fuck it, there are so many reason's to be happy. being sad isn't going to be worth it anymore.

I can still fix things with my parents, i can learn to trust them, and talk to them like friends.
I can build new friendships and try to open up and trust again, and if i get hurt, oh well.
There are beautiful people around everywhere, and they are going to always be there, but i have to trust what i have and who i am.
trust my heart and what i have right now is amazing and to feed it with everything i have.
I'm not going to let myself fail again, I want to love myself, i really do, and i am going to try really hard to do that. I want to be my own best friend, because at least i know i'll never let myself down.

I'm standing naked in front of everyone for you to all judge, but that's ok, because no one is perfect.

Musical Muse of the moment

The cautionary tale of a diversionist

garden play, get your hands dirty
your turn to be on top in the pile-up
the crash, melding glass

Actions to keep a mind busy
avoiding the chapters of distress

the same hands that start the new chapter,
end it.

I guess i'm not a little girl anymore

I should probably stop looking at this wall with such contempt
and just get over it.

ok, fine: you win. No more doubts.

I want to get burned by the sun

Detective fodder feeding mouths of the inquiring.
Peering through tainted glass, barely audible images.
questioning each of my windows to see if one will speak.
A shameful attempt to shatter my pride and expose me completely,
No one shall have the last word.

Musical Muse of the moment

Musical Muse of the moment

A calm tornado

Back spinning out of control.
Joints: burning flames.
motor moving forward,
toward total demise.
Each step breaking pavement.
No pressure; a constant climb
trying to find a common thread.
Never turn back the clock,
keep moving, steppin' to the beat.
Don't stop.
Fight this gravity, fight it hard
keeping me down, flat to the ground.
Throw punch 1 and 2,
dip from attack,
Steppin' forward, can't look back.

My mind feels troubled, but i know it's illogical,
slow burn this short fuse, ease the knife out,


...sleep through this paranoia.