Just a few words to calm the storm

(This is what i grabbed from a 30 minute continuous write the other night. These are little sections that i liked from it)

Simple, less complex mixtures of color invade the transient as he makes his way across the deviant eco-sphere, spectacle view of the prognosis which has been convinced he was meant to die by the age of 40. Step right up and grab the beautiful scriptline, there are many humans who seek to be perfect.

Perfection? where can such an oddity be found? in a centralized location that becomes the order in which the very profound specifies of the human mind. i am a central figure of the mind in which i seek to perfect. The eye is a creature of method; he calls on his memory to react and take on the destiny.

i am purely a human, a creature of water. Through every deviated hold in my mind i am fear. i possess fear, i carry fear heavy on my back.

Definition of reality exists in truth. Truth exists in the mind. we make our own truth. sometimes humans are aware of this and they come to a crossing in the road. The road is long and winding, the winding isn't tough. What is tough is what we perceive as an obstacle, we make our own obstacles.

The lowest paid therapist of all time.

Maybe you never realized it, or you took us for granted but I have been among my neighborhoods greatest therapists for the last 7 years. Yes, therapists in a grocery store. There's something about a person who you don't know and has no connection to your real life that makes some people just open up and talk about all the personal things that are currently happening in their life. The things I hear about on a daily basis through the checkout line would be shocking to some people. The really awesome thing is; I get to watch the stories develop each day that I work and check them through my line.

For example. 3 weeks ago a girl in her mid-20's comes through my line, she is on her cell phone and she is openly crying. She is purchasing one thing: a pregnancy test. She is telling the person on the phone, “Yea, he left me, he went back to Shana” she starts sobbing and then adds, “and i'm pretty sure i'm pregnant with that bastards baby.” She gets to the front of the line and I start to check out her order and she hangs up the phone just in time to tell me that she's having a really bad day and she thinks she is pregnant but her boyfriend left her for his ex. I tell her I hope everything turns out for the best and she goes on her way.

Later that same night, the same girl comes through my line, only this time she's very intoxicated. She comes right up to the front of my line with one of her friends to buy a 6-pack of beer. She looks right at me and says, “Yep! I'm pregnant with that bastards baby! Took both of those tests and they both turned out positive.” Her friend looks at her shocked and try's to hush her friend and looks at me apologetically. In response to her friends embarrassed gaze she says, “Oh don't worry she helped me out earlier when I bought the tests, she knows the whole story!” In an awkward and witty response, I told her, “Congratulations and hope it turns out for the best” she looks back at me, “well I'm going to get wasted and then everything will be just fine.” I assumed by that response she wasn't planning on keeping the wee one, or else maybe her and her friend would have been buying prenatal pills.

The next week I'm working during the mid-day shift and she enters my line, this time she is linking arms with a man. I recognize her right away, she looks very happy. When she gets to the front of the line she gives me a smile and looks up at the man she is with, I assume this must be the bastard that got her pregnant. Well, at least things worked out for them...

I know people who are secret smokers, or who are cheating on their spouses, have yeast infections or just lost their favorite pet. They all come through the line and talk to me about these types of things. They ask me for advice or just tell me stories to get things off their backs, “I'm just so tired today, I just found out my husband has been cheating on me for the last 6 months and I've been so exhausted trying to move all of his stuff out these last few days,” then I hand them their receipt and they are on their way. It's an odd phenomenon, people will reveal just about anything to anyone knowing that I get paid to be nice and give encouraging words and it would never get back to them that their personal information got out.

I should start charging.

The Social Collective Experiment

Today i am going to embark upon a social experiment...
I am going to make profile/accounts with a VERY large list of social sites and test out all of these sites to determine the pros/cons of each...

Why?
I'm tired of Myspace and Facebook so im branching out!

I'll post the list of sites that I decide to test with once I've got all the sites established.

My Plan?

To meet loads of people :)

So, let it begin!

EDIT: I've been researching for about an hour or so and ive come up with about 28 sites that im going to tryout... I'll be sure to give the list, reviews and usability of all of them.

What a Lagger

Yes i know, ive been laggin' MAJOR to update this thing

I have to leave in a few minutes to commute out to the studio to work on my Quality of Light HW, it should be pretty interesting, considering there is going to be about 9 photographers and a bunch of models in that one little studio. But its actually alot of fun every week working in there with all of the people in my class.

We have the studio til 10pm, im just hoping we don't stay that late, because i have to be back to class tomorrow at 8am, and ill get no sleep if im working that way.

I got demoted at work temporarily to a Bagger until we have more hours, since 6 years at my store is pretty much zero seniority. But on that note ive been looking for a new job one that involves photography in some way, since i am a photographer!

*sigh* Wish me luck on the job hunt :)

My mom and i went furniture shopping

I always find wierd interesting things when im out of town, and i found a really cool garage and fenced area with all sorts of old cars.
i wanted to photograph the inside but a man was in there. Inside were lines of old Porches and other cars, it was crazy! I snapped a picture of an old mid-30's Ford truck in the back lot( the less cool cars were back there)

Inside Annie's Head

I just read a blog about the new issue of Vanity Fair and the photos that are featured in it are, of course, by Annie Leibovitz. She uses a style that includes the fake background as well as the background surrounded around where the people are standing...

i guess it's interesting, i think the people that in the photos are much more interesting than the actual style of the photos.

anyway, i thought they were worth seeing, they highlight all the stars of the movies from 2008.

Injuries sustained on BART

Injuries sustained on BART
Originally uploaded by Dear Allegory

I'm not the most cautious person, anyone who has walked around downtown with me can tell you that i hardly ever look to see if traffic is coming, i just step haphazardly into the street. I run into people, poles, and any other random objects. If i wear shoe's with laces i trip on them, if there's gum on the ground, i step in it. (actually if there is any weird stuff on the ground, like dog shit, a squished banana, or something slippery, my shoe goes in it.)

So i wasn't surprised when i biffed it in the middle of the BART station while running UP the escalator. I actually propelled up two more steps and then landed right on my legs and palms.

I got up quickly, and kept running and jumped onto BART...only then did i realize i felt pain all over my body...

I was in school all day, and the only things i was sure of was my palms were purple and bruised and my legs were hurting all day.

When i got home i finally inspected, and i found that i had two huge bruises on the top of my shins, a raspberry on my left outer ankle, a slice on my lower right shin, and purplish bruise on my right ankle. A bruise on my ribs...(who the hell knows how that one happened)

and both my elbows and forearms have scattered bruises.

This all happened on Monday, 4 days later, and the bruises on my upper body are pretty much non-existent. My legs on the other hand, are still sore.

UGH, I should have know someone as clumsy as me shouldn't try scaling the escalator at high speeds.

Oh, another day in the life of Pam...

25 today...

So i woke up early this morning and I have to admit that when i was younger getting older was a whole hell of a lot funner...

Now, it's a little depressing, i mean, when i turned 21 there was something to look forward to. 25 give's me this feeling that everything is downhill from here. But i know 25 is still young, and I've got plenty of life left in me, so im trying not to look at this year in such a negative way and enjoy it.

This year may very well be the year that many many things in my life change drastically, and I'm ready for the change :)

On another note, my birthday is also on the same day that President Obama becomes president as well, and actually it feels pretty awesome to have my birthday be on this day, It's historic. Im ready for just as much change in America as im hoping for in my own life, it feels good to be hopeful of our new leader and know that he has a few different idea's to those that have gone before him.

There's actually an extreme amount of pressure on Obama to really change things, and i suppose i will admit im a little nervous that all of this hope may come crashing down when he isn't everything we hoped for, or things dont change as quickly as we'd like them to, but nevertheless, i believe there will be change and thats something to be excited about :)

So, this is an obvious post but...
I HATE MY ON CAMERA FLASH


Ive always hated it, but just recently its gotten verrrrry annoying. I know what your thinking.. don't you have an external flash for that thing?

NO. (here goes rant # two) I am working as many hours as possible at my job right now, trying to save up money to do several things:

1. Pay for School
2. Save for when i move in July
3. Buy a light meter
4. Buy an external Flash
5. New Camera
6. The Philly Trip this summer
7. And the damn half-sleeve that Ive been saving for since i got my back done. (but honestly this is at the bottom of my priorities)

So, I (Unlike most of the people i go to school with) pay for school all by myself. To be honest, at times i get a little angry that my parents are spending money like its growing on tree's (They just bought a BRAND NEW TRUCK). Yet, they continue to tell me that they don't have any to spare to help me go to school. AH!

alright, i get it, ill appreciate my life so much more when I'm outta school and making money and know i did it all myself ...but this life lesson is one that isn't sinking in so easily.

My Birthday is on Tuesday, lets just hope i get something to help me out. I'm about to move out of the country and disappear for awhile.

The Window Frame

The Bart line passes right through Oakland and there are some houses right beside it. In the mornings the windows are all thrust open; curtains drawnback. the sunlight illuminates inside the windows.
I can see everything these people own; the cup of coffee on the end table or your unmade bed.
Today i saw a woman in a dark sundress standing in a window, red curtains swaying beside her and she fanned herself as the sun baked the room she stood in.
She looked disressed, helpless even. And for that brief moment i entered her world and felt insight into what she was feeling at the time, just by seeing her in a passing glimpse, i captured so much.
if only more people opened their eyes in this way to understand and relate to the world around them maybe some things would be different.

polaroids in books

polaroids in books
Originally uploaded by Dear Allegory

So yesterday i went to borders to release a few ounces of stress between a good friend and shelves and shelves of literature.

Talking with other people proves to always be something that i treasure, because once school starts i will be far too busy to spend time with anyone, much less enjoy a few hours by myself.

While sitting on the floor of the bookstore, i found an interesting thing poking out of the top of one of the books. This particular book was about shoes, and i found tucked in between the pages of fashion forward footwear, Polaroids that had been inserted by a creative visitor.

These types of things always intrigue me, different ways people like to express themselves, and this is obviously one of the ways that this person decided to show something about themselves, and also create a sense of curiosity in the people who found it. Perhaps it was a lonely Border's book slave who delicately inserted the photos hoping to catch someone like myself smile upon finding the hidden treasure.

There are a few other things that i have seen that remind me of this type of experimentation with human interaction.


at the cafe inside my work i have found stranded books laying on the tables, and inside there was a notation instructing the person to read the book and log onto a website to explain what they thought of the book and where they found it and where they are leaving it to be found. I like this idea, hundreds of people reading the same book, and they don't even know each other, Im sure the books travel all over.

also, i have found scraps of paper in the pockets of jeans in different stores with witty or inspirational little quotes written on them. Its almost like the generation of today finds joy in expressing themselves and effecting the people that they don't even know. I really like the idea that we can spread nice emotions without even seeing, meeting or ever touching another person.