The lowest paid therapist of all time.

Maybe you never realized it, or you took us for granted but I have been among my neighborhoods greatest therapists for the last 7 years. Yes, therapists in a grocery store. There's something about a person who you don't know and has no connection to your real life that makes some people just open up and talk about all the personal things that are currently happening in their life. The things I hear about on a daily basis through the checkout line would be shocking to some people. The really awesome thing is; I get to watch the stories develop each day that I work and check them through my line.

For example. 3 weeks ago a girl in her mid-20's comes through my line, she is on her cell phone and she is openly crying. She is purchasing one thing: a pregnancy test. She is telling the person on the phone, “Yea, he left me, he went back to Shana” she starts sobbing and then adds, “and i'm pretty sure i'm pregnant with that bastards baby.” She gets to the front of the line and I start to check out her order and she hangs up the phone just in time to tell me that she's having a really bad day and she thinks she is pregnant but her boyfriend left her for his ex. I tell her I hope everything turns out for the best and she goes on her way.

Later that same night, the same girl comes through my line, only this time she's very intoxicated. She comes right up to the front of my line with one of her friends to buy a 6-pack of beer. She looks right at me and says, “Yep! I'm pregnant with that bastards baby! Took both of those tests and they both turned out positive.” Her friend looks at her shocked and try's to hush her friend and looks at me apologetically. In response to her friends embarrassed gaze she says, “Oh don't worry she helped me out earlier when I bought the tests, she knows the whole story!” In an awkward and witty response, I told her, “Congratulations and hope it turns out for the best” she looks back at me, “well I'm going to get wasted and then everything will be just fine.” I assumed by that response she wasn't planning on keeping the wee one, or else maybe her and her friend would have been buying prenatal pills.

The next week I'm working during the mid-day shift and she enters my line, this time she is linking arms with a man. I recognize her right away, she looks very happy. When she gets to the front of the line she gives me a smile and looks up at the man she is with, I assume this must be the bastard that got her pregnant. Well, at least things worked out for them...

I know people who are secret smokers, or who are cheating on their spouses, have yeast infections or just lost their favorite pet. They all come through the line and talk to me about these types of things. They ask me for advice or just tell me stories to get things off their backs, “I'm just so tired today, I just found out my husband has been cheating on me for the last 6 months and I've been so exhausted trying to move all of his stuff out these last few days,” then I hand them their receipt and they are on their way. It's an odd phenomenon, people will reveal just about anything to anyone knowing that I get paid to be nice and give encouraging words and it would never get back to them that their personal information got out.

I should start charging.