You're a piece of shit.
no respect. none at all.

stop this madness

I dreamed that my new skin was given to me
and it didn't fit.

man. What a horrible feeling.
:(

I had fallen asleep on your floor after working the 12-9 shift

You were sitting with a guitar pressed between your chest and legs,
Just strumming lightly, playing no particular tune.
There was someone in the room too, a friend.
I had awoken a few minutes earlier, but pretended to still be asleep.
The friend mentioned something about my sleeping,
and you said, "She works so hard, she has so much she's doing"

I remember that for some reason, because I'm not sure if you knew I was awake,
or if you were speaking genuinely, but I like to believe you were speaking genuinely.
I remember the oddest things, It was so long ago. 6 years now?

It felt like it was my first and only time that I was able to listen to a conversation about me when I wasn't around.
The social interaction of speaking about me when you thought I was asleep.
Maybe I needed to hear that I worked hard.

There are very few memories of those years,
mostly because I've been swallowed whole by my absent-mind.
but i'm glad that there a few fond ones left.

I feel like all the bluntness was karma.

This is the first time that I feel content,
like i wasn't treated badly, and I even told you, you were awesome,
so what is there to be upset about?

Love is something i'll find with the right person,
and i'm so down for it to be right,
so i can't be negative at all.

damn, this is like so much change in my head.
I'm so glad I have the strength to learn rather than breed negative energy over this.

:)

open my chest and stare at my organs

because if i just sink down, just sink into these sheets, i'll rise up
and i'll be new.

I just want to bury myself there, and be happy and content, i don't want a care.
i wish i had a vehicle, i want to care about this distance and this time i want to be scared and i want to whine.
but you made me strong and made me hard-hearted and i just walk alone, independent and guarded, i will never blame or point a finger. what i'm trying to say is so much bigger. i'm not cold i learned to keep myself warm, in these sheets where i mourn.

i get up and i get down i react to what you say but i never frown. i want to miss you and come your way but thats not how you taught me and that's not my way.

i don't see you in grey or in black, youre just white and transparent and i guess i'll never get that back.

i'm so afraid of the day, ive chosen this loneliness and ive chosen it to make my heart shrink, and now that i am swelling over with emotion i don't know how to think. but i wont blame or point a finger because i know my heart is bigger. i keep hiding in bed all day chasing fear away, wasting away the day and letting my clouds go grey.

i've got morals, ive got class. i paid for it by myself, i walked down paths that you'd be ashamed to see me in, you'd run scared back to where you've been. i hate to reveal all this today but it weighs on my mind. a heavy metal statue that will rust my heart if i don't wake up and just take part, take part in my life and in my death and realize that i can't stand and watch it all melt away.

it's wrecked and its a disaster, it makes my mind weak and my heart its own master.

You make me happy.
even if the clock is our biggest enemy.